Das ist der perfekte guide für einige bürschen hier.
Intro:
Disregard any advice from any other guides which have come before this guide. Those guides are aimed at bad kids (from now on referred to as BKs) that deserve to be in ELO HELL, they should all be reported.
All the other guides are the reason you have to put up with all these
newbie, scrub, BKs, who all should be reported. F**K those guides. Those
kids should be 800, but not you!
You, however, you are the one good player out of all these BKs (who
should be reported after every game) deserving of 2.6 k elo. Hell if
Dignitas saw your skills, they'd drop Scarra for you ASAP. If Morello
was privy to your immense knowledge of the game, he'd personally request
your advice before every patch goes live.
You know it. Any game you've won in the past was a DIRECT result of
your awesome plays, and without YOU your team would have surely thrown
the game (STUPID BKs! Always should be reported).
YET, you are still sitting there after 1000 games at 503 wins and 497
loses with 1233 elo. Right in the thick of ELO HELL. How can this be,
you question yourself. All the guides say if I was truly a high elo
player I would have moved up by now. Surely I am a high elo player, you
tell yourself, AND YOU ARE! DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE. Its just those stupid, retarded, asshole, BKs are holding you back, who of course should be reported at every opportunity.
While all seems hopeless, do not despair. There is a way to move up.
You just need to concentrate on yourself. After all you are the one good
player out of this crop of stupid, feeder, trolling, BKs. Just adhere
to the following guidelines and you'll immediately see movement towards
your correct elo.
Rules for YOU, the one good player, to follow (if you are a stupid feeder trolling BK then disregard and go report yourself):
In champ select:
You must immediately begin spamming in all caps your desired position after queue pops.
After all you are the chosen one. Even if you are last pick you must
continue to demand to play your desired position. Of course these BKs,
who should be reported, may not let you play your desired position.
Sometimes it can be effective to attach some sort of threat such as feeding, or afking, to get your position. Do not hesitate to do so.
Once in game:
Many guides tell you to give your jungler a leash if you are a in a a lane bordering his starting starting camp. This is advice for the 99%. You are the 1%,
it is critical that you defend your tower until the minions spawn. Let
someone else give the leash. They could easily 5 man rush your tower and
damage a quarter of its health before laning phase even begins. As long
as you defend your tower, you'll be there for the easy penta.
If you are the jungler it is imperative all teammates assist you by
giving you a leash worthy of being put on Donald Trump's dog. That sht
should be diamond studded. Ping and spam relentlessly until all teammates come to help you.
Laning Mechanics:
Last hitting, pushing/freezing lane, poking, denying, ect. This
advice is for the BKs, which is why it is in all the other guides. I
know my audience is the 1%, so there no need to elaborate on something
you already know how to do. Next section.
Rules of High ELO Play:
Warding:
The truth behind wards is that it is for the 99%. Spending a precious 125 gold to give you control over some area of the map, probably lost because of your BKs bad play, could jeopardize your entire build.
That's your supports job, even if you're top lane. Its well known that
warding is for the socialists, that's why they do it more on the EU
servers. You are no socialist, you are a captain of industry and your
team's carry. Do not buy wards.
If you're playing mid and top lane comes to gank you, then it's top lane's fault for not calling MIA, or SS for socialist EU servers, at least 5 times in chat and pinging. Report him. If your mid lane opponent goes to gank top, it's his fault for not warding.
You are the true carry and taking time to stop and call MIA, or SS for
socialist EU servers, could resulting in missing precious creeps you
need to carry these BKs. Report him.
Let Your Teammates Know Who's Boss:
You are the only good player on your team, your teammates just don't
know it. In order to demonstrate your superiority over your teammates it is critical that you talk down to them at every given opportunity.
Every time they die, let them know how bad they are. Let them know how
bad their builds are. Don't hold back on the insults. Always refer to
their terrible KDR to remind them of how bad they are. Should yours be
negative it is, of course, a result of them feeding. Remind them of this
as well and report them.
For example: You're playing top lane and its about 7:15 minutes in
the game. you're farmin, pokin, pushin so your opponent has to last hit
under tower, cuz you're good like that. Then out of nowhere BAM! The
enemy Nocturne has ulted on to you and you haven't shopped so you can't 2
v 1 them yet. The unthinkable happens, you die. This is an excellent opportunity to let your jungler know that his negligence is directly resulting in you losing your lane.
It doesn't matter if he's giving blue to mid, you are the true carry.
After all, you did order him to camp your lane at the beginning of the
match. Report him.
Another example: You're jungling and going through your camps, you
can't gank because all of your lanes are pushing, typical BKs. So you
just concentrate on farming. You see top is overextended so you ping
retreat and let him know. Its 7:15 so you can't go help him, you gotta
do your blue. You're not giving it to mid, you need it to farm better.
Then BAM the enemy Nocturne has ulted top lane and he dies, typical BK. Use this opportunity to let him know his poor play is compromising your jungling routs. Report him.
Right Place Right Time:
As soon as you are done farming, immediately start pinging and spamming
for your team to group. It doesn't matter if top is farming a huge wave,
you need to fight while you are available so you can do dragon
afterwards. Engage on the first opportunity given, regardless of
numbers. If you lose the fight, blame your teammates for feeding
them and not backing you up. It was critical to fight that 3 v 5 at
that exact second. The opportunity to engage was there, you had to take it. You know best, you are the one good player. Report them.
Right Place Right Time:
Your farm is the most important farm in the game. Never compromise your
farm to assist your team in any situation whatsoever. You have to be
able to 1 v 5 the enemy team if you want to have any hope of winning.
Your teammates are that bad. If they engage 3 v 5 its their fault. They could have poked and waited for you to come. Report them.
Conclusion:
Never forget that you are the only good player out of all these BKs.
If they weren't so bad, you would've been 2.6 k 500 games ago. That is
all about to change, now that you have read this guide. As mentioned
earlier, simply follow these effective guidelines and move towards your
correct elo. Just remember to always, always, always, report
your teammates after every game, because its not a game until someone
gets reported. Let your opponents know to report your teammates
as well. Should they ever tell you they won because they were better
than you, challenge them to a 1 v 1. The true test of skill. Happy
ranked guys.
End note: Big thanks to Stephen T Colbert, host of The Colbert Report on Comedy Central. I borrowed his satirical approach to politics and applied it to League of Legends. Thanks for reading.
-Edited for grammer and more bold font for easier skimming because it
is long. Sorry about that, I just kept typing and and typing.
[quelle]http://www.reddit.com/r/leagueoflege…rect_elo_fixed/[/quelle]
. Wie gesagt Vll hat ja einer Vo euch um halb 1 heute Lust :p. Wäre dann mal mit dabei .
. Hauptsache is das du gut mit mir klar kommst 
